Nine in the Afternoon
by kong is king
Summary: This is...dare I say it...het. YES! IT'S HET! I wrote it for Mahou, lord of het crack. It's a Larxora, as in Larxene/Sora. Yes, rumors are true, it exists! I think it's kind of sweet, but still has the dark, bitter sarcasm you all know and love me for.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: If you're a regular reader, you're probably wondering why I would be writing something that even mentions the word "het"

A/N: If you're a regular reader, you're probably wondering why I would be writing something that even mentions the word "het". And yet, here I am, writing something special and cracky for Mahou, one of my best friends on this site. I told her I would write a Larxora, that is, a Larxene/Sora fic, and I think that at times you should actually stay true to your word. I know it's a first for me, but here goes. I hope this is good enough, but I'm not really good at het crack.

Disclaimer: If I owned anything, you would all be seeing some disturbing changes in the KH universe. Sadly, I own nothing.

Half past noon was when hell officially started for me.

I know, sounds like I'm making a big deal out of nothing, right? You have no idea how wrong you are. Axel and Zexion had both warned me not to try and get in to Hollow Bastion High, that there would be more people like me at Twilight. But no, I wanted a good education, so I took the exams and got into a private school. Very nice, Larxene Cassidy. Now that I've officially entered the prep breeding grounds, why don't I sell out entirely and take down my Iron Maiden and Sex Pistols posters? You know, replace them with the Jonas Brothers and David Archuleta? And to think Zexion would be right about something for a change.

But I digress. The real point here isn't how much I suffered; it's who helped me get through that place, and why he wasn't just another face.

Like I said, this all started at half pat noon, aka lunch. You would not believe how hard it is for people to take a hint. Of course, by "hint" I mean shouting "Why the hell do you think I would care?!" Some people just don't get it. In hindsight, though, I'm sort of glad that Paine stopped me from attacking Setzer. Clawing someone's eyes out doesn't exactly make for the greatest parent-teacher conference. But anyway, I was desperate to get out. I didn't even know the school had a door to the roof, but apparently one day I ran right through it. And I do mean that literally, as in wood was suddenly connecting with my forehead. It came out of nowhere. But the roof was probably the greatest thing about the school. For one thing, it was the perfect place to hurl your lunch at people as they were walking underneath. For the ones I really hated, I would spit on them.

This would have gone on throughout the year if someone else hadn't found my roof. I had just come up after kicking Mr. Vexen where it hurt when he started lecturing me. He probably deserved it for something else, but that wasn't the biggest priority. As I ran out to my roof, ready to take out my rage on whomever so happened to be underneath, I instead got a pretty rude shock.

"Hi there! Do you like the roof too?"

I think he must've been related to Cloud or Roxas. How else could his hair defy gravity? And what was with that stupid smile, or those huge shoes?

He was, in short, one of the biggest dorks I had ever seen.

Furthermore, he was on MY ROOF.

"What do you think you're doing on my roof, kid?"

He looked confused. "Your…roof?"

"Yeah, as in this is my place. My roof. I want to know what you're doing here."

"But…" he stuttered, "The roof's a big place. Why can't we just share?"

I sighed deeply. I was not in the mood for explanations right now. "Listen, kid, there's something you've got to understand. I was here first. Ergo, this whole place belongs to me. Now, is there anything I need to repeat?"

"Okay…I-I guess…" he mumbled, and then slowly walked off. I felt kind of bad for being the one to break his spirit, but hey, somebody had to do it. Now then…as I surveyed my potential victims, it would seem I should've paid more attention to my back.

"Whatcha doin'?"

Trying not to scream, I spun around. "Kid!" I hissed, "What the hell do you think _you're_ doing?!"

"I got bored," he said as if it were normal to stealthily creep up and try to murder someone when you got bored. "So, Whatcha doin'?"

"I," I began, "am looking for targets."

"Targets?"

"Well, I figured we should at least use the lunches for _something._" It was then that I spotted Rinoa. "All right, Heartlily," I breathed, "prepare yourself. This will hurt you a lot more than it hurts me."

I tuck careful aim, at first debating over whether to go for her face or the bleached-white blouse, before finally deciding it didn't really matter. With that, I took the entirely-fake Sloppy Joe from the lunch and fired.

It was the loudest shriek I had ever heard. Considering I had been doing this daily for a couple of months that was really saying something. "Quick, get down!" I pulled the kid below the lip of the roof.

He looked at me, seeming confused. "Why'd you do that?"

I snorted. "She deserved it didn't she?"

"I don't know…no one really deserves that, do they? At least, nobody here has done anything that bad…"

"Umm," it was almost impossible for anyone to be this naïve. "How about they deserve it because they go here? You know, private school, land of the preps?"

"Is it that bad? I still don't think anyone actually means to be…"

"An ass?"

"I just don't think anyone wants to be mean. It's no fun at all."

This kid had probably been sheltered from the world…and had never watched TV or gone on the internet. That was probably why he had no idea just what people were like. Yep, a totally reasonable explanation. I would have told him that to his face, but the bell decided to ring right then. After a few muttered curses I had yanked the door open and was already halfway towards Mr. Highwind's woodshop class when I thought about something that seemed important on this slow, dreary day.

I didn't even know what the kid's name was.

Ah, well, he would probably be up there tomorrow. _I hope,_ said a little voice in my head.

A/N: I know, it's extremely crappy, but that's because I'm even worse at het than I am at slash. But hey, Mahou, here you go.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

I honestly don't think more than 4 people would even bother to read the second chapter…I just really didn't like how that last

I honestly don't think more than 4 people would even bother to read the second chapter…I just really didn't like how that last chapter ended. But thanks anyways for your reviews and, as always, I'm really hoping you don't shun me forever for this.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, places, or even the pairing in this fic. I just write fanfics…really crappy fanfics.

"SORA!!"

Dear lord, I thought, as I braced myself for what could only be described as a flying tackle, how did he find me? I was snapped out of my thoughts by a sudden impact from a flying mullet.

"Demyx," I wheezed, "that gets old after 14 years."

"Nope!" my older brother chirped, "You just don't know how to enjoy yourself."

"Oh really? I've been enjoying myself a lot more than you know." He stared at me, mouth hanging open. "Okay, I can think of several ways I might have rephrased that."

"Are you sure? I mean, really sure? Because I think you meant exactly what you said." Demyx stared at me like he knew I had a secret.

"What?!"

"You've been skipping lunches in the cafeteria. You never pay attention when I'm bla bla bla…" he hit me on the shoulder. "Pay attention to me!"

"All right, what's your point?"

"My point is," he looked around the empty courtyard and drew in, "that you…are in love."

"What?"

"Admit it."

"I am not!"

"Yes you are!"

"Demyx-"

"Sora's in lo-ve, Sora's in lo-ve," he pranced around as he started singing. "My little bro wants to get it on! So tell me, who is it? Is it a chick or a dude? Or can you not tell, because sometimes that can get really awkward, because what do you say to a person if you don't-"

"Demyx!" He finally stopped. "I'm pretty sure it's a girl."

"All right, my little brother is checking out the ladies! So, what's her name?"

"I, uh…don't know."

"I can help you there," he said. "I know everybody in the state, including a certain embezzler who may or may not be our vice-principal."

"Mr. Xaldin?"

"Ah-ah-ah, that is strictly between me and the IRS. Now, describe to me what she looks like."

"Well, first off, she has green eyes."

"That would describe nearly everyone here. Keep going."

"She's a blonde."

"Namine, Quistis, Rikku, Larxene, Penelo, and Elena. That narrows the herd a bit, although I don't know why Larxene is on the list. You wouldn't know, but she's only the most evil person to ever live, short of Seifer Almasy, who once stole something of great value from me."

"He stole your stuffed rabbit. You were eleven then, what would you care?"

"Mr. Flufffyluffinkins was nearly _dissected_ by that madman!" He breathed heavily for a few seconds. "But, anyhoo, what else can you tell me about her?"

"Actually…" I thought really hard, I did, but, "I don't really remember anything else about her."

"Hmm, that's a pity. Still, I guess we'll just have to start with those five-Namine, Quistis, Rikku, Penelo, and Elena."

Admittedly, I should've told him I could just meet her-whoever she was-on the roof at lunch, but then he would be bored. Demyx makes life miserable for people when he's bored.

x.x.x.

Demyx scrolled down the list. "Let's see…Namine has blue eyes, so she couldn't be your girl."

"What about #2-Quistis?"

"Yeah, I was going to ask her until she pulled out a whip, and I'm not really into that kind of stuff. Plus, she always wears glasses, so I don't think she's the one."

"And Rikku?"

"She's somewhere around here, I think."

"DEMYX!"

Something large, blonde and feminine fell on Demyx. It was also only wearing a bikini and miniskirt.

"Demyx, I've missed you so much!" She then turned and noticed me. "Aww, is this your little brother? He's so cute!" She pounced on me and clung on with her sharp nails digging into my side.

"Ack! Lolita! Get off of my brother, foul thing from the pits of Hades!" Demyx pried her off me and beat her back into the bushes. "So," he said, turning to me, "now you know just what a Rikku is."

"She scared me. How many other girls are left?" She really did scare me. I hoped Rooftop Girl wasn't like that.

"There are two-Penelo and Elena. It all comes down to this, little bro."

x.x.x.

"So…we're clear on never talking about what we saw Elena and Reno doing again?"

"I didn't even know you could put a baseball bat there…"

"Sora, it's best if you forget all about it. Nothing good can ever come out of BDSM."

"Out of what?"

Demyx turned some sort of sick green. "What have I done…?" he muttered. I'm guessing it meant he didn't know.

He looked at the list again. "All right, Penelo is the only one who's left. It's gotta be her."

I followed Demyx to where he said Penelo would be-"The gardens, it's her favorite place"-but I didn't think Penelo was the right name for her. It didn't sound like her at all-that sarcastic smile, those blond antennae-

Antennae. I had remembered something about her.

"Where's Penelo?" I asked.

"Right over there, see? She's-"he froze. So did I. There was who I could only assume was Penelo, making out with some boy I didn't recognize.

"Vaan. Should've known it." said Demyx. "That little slut..."

"Demyx, that's not her!" He looked at me, confused. "That's not Rooftop Girl."

Suddenly, we both heard a shriek. It was the loudest scream I had ever heard. We quickly ran to find…uh… "Rinoa." Yeah, Rinoa, with what looked like Sloppy Joe all over her blouse.

Suddenly, it clicked. "Demyx, she's on the roof!" I grabbed his arm and pulled him inside, up the stairs.

"But, wait," he said, "The only person who would do that would be-"

We burst out onto the roof to find The Girl squatting there, hiding from Rinoa.

"Larxene." Demyx breathed. She smiled.

"Hey there, mullet. What part of 'personal space' do you not get?" Demyx could only quiver. Then she turned to me. "Kid! What are you doing with this idiot?"

"He's my brother, actually."

"You're poisoning my brother!" Demyx cried. "C'mon, Sora, let's get out of here."

"Wait, this is her. She's rooftop Girl."

"Her name is Larxene." He looked from me to her, and back again. "This is who we were looking for?" I nodded. He pointed at Larxene. "I hear one word about you getting too close-"

"We'll be fine." He huffed and left.

Larxene put a finger under my chin. "You were really looking for me?" she asked. I nodded.

She leaned in and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. "I was wondering if you would. I'm glad you did."

A/N: I'm not really satisfied with this chapter…it felt sort of strained and last-minute to me. The ending was all right, though.

MC, if you're reading this, yes, I did get Demyx's stuffed rabbit from you. So sue me, you stinking lawyer.

Kong is King


End file.
